


He Calls Me Lovely

by pixiefloat117 (hopefulsilence)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Templars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 23:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5393789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulsilence/pseuds/pixiefloat117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mark made her sick and Cullen wants to show her everything that she should before she disappears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Calls Me Lovely

**Author's Note:**

> Recommended music: Funeral Bell - Phildel  
> Also, the song makes an appearance. ENJOY!

“Inquisitor, may I speak with you, in private?” 

His voice rang out above the static of training. Cullen. There had always been something about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. Cassandra would tell me many times that he fancied me, but I couldn’t see it. I know that when I would see him do his work, my heart would flutter slightly and my cheeks would turn considerably red. Varric would make sure I knew that I was blushing. Just hearing his voice just now would make my heart skip a beat. 

I stood up probably more quickly that I needed to and nodded. The chill from outside was quickly replaced with the warmth from the roaring fire inside the main hall. I followed him back to my room and watched as he pulled the chair from my desk out for me with a smile. There was something off about it.

Normally, Cullen is stoic, but kind. He’ll wear a smile, but it never reaches his eyes, unless he’s with me. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. It worried me.

“What’s wrong?” I finally asked. He glanced around before he replied.

“I know you’re sick.” His voice was grave. He was hurt.

“Yes, but it’s small. I’ll be fine in about a week.” I lied. 

Ever since I had received The Mark, I could feel my health degrading, very slowly over time. It started with fatigue and after a while, it turned into times when I couldn’t even get out of bed; my body was getting weaker and weaker. The Healer with the mages from Redcliffe wasn’t sure how much longer I would have. There had been many tests done and I’d gone on many quests to obtain the items that she needed to perform said tests. I never told Cullen what I was going for I didn’t want to worry him. He could see through my lie.

“Who told you?” I asked, defeated. There was a pregnant pause before he spoke. I could see the pain in his eyes when he looked back at me. Even with him not replying, I could feel a small pain in my chest. Instead he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I could feel him trembling. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked with his arms still wrapped around me. I couldn’t say anything. He pulled away after a moment and ended up on his knees in front of me and his eyes were sodden with tears that had not yet fallen. I put a steady hand on his cheek and gave him a small smile.

“I didn’t want you to worry about me. I’ve performed what I was supposed to do. There aren’t any more rifts to close, so the threat of that is over with and Corypheus is defeated. I didn’t think it was needed to be known.” I answered. I could feel my voice quiver even though I tried so hard to keep it steady. 

I was as afraid as he was. I didn’t want to leave everyone behind. I had made friends. Imagine that! Little and insignificant me had made friends! I imagine that Garith and Carrian would be laughing at me if they knew. I don’t even know if my family knew that I was the Herald. I never got the chance to see them again before I left.

“Inq... Ellana;” he paused. This was the first time he’d even called me by my name. He has called me my last name, like many other people, and he has called me Inquisitor, but never my name. A sad smile couldn’t help but form. It was right then that I realized that I didn’t want to die. I was scared, no, terrified. I knot formed in my throat and I couldn’t help but let the tears fall. I still remember how his rough hands felt against my cheek as he wiped away my falling tears. 

“There are things you still need to experience, and I want you to experience them. I want you to get married, have children;” he started. His voice was calm and collected. I could tell that this was something that he had wanted to say for a while now. “Everything was supposed to be different. You aren’t supposed to die. You’re supposed to live your life the way you want to. I want to give that to you. Ellana,” he conveyed. His feelings ran deep and I could not deny that I felt the same. Hearing my name caused me to look directly at him.

“Ellana, I want you know just how much you mean to me. There aren’t enough stars in the sky to count all the ways. You gave my life meaning when you showed up at Haven. I’d follow you anywhere. I feel invincible when I’m with you. I want to make you happy. I…” he voice gave out. 

I looked on as Cullen bared his heart. This man, my friend, my mentor, my secret everything, had just confessed his heart to me. I didn’t know what to say so I put my arms back around him and pulled myself to him on the floor.

I had known that I was going to die for about eight months by this point, and I liked to think that I was stronger than what I was. I did everything I could to forget about it. I would bury myself into paperwork, go on missions, anything I could do to just keep my mind busy. I didn’t want to think about how grave my situation was. I would constantly put on that mask that told everyone that I was fine; that I didn’t have a care. Inside, fear and confusion filled me. I used to think that it wouldn’t have mattered if I died or that no one would care if I did, but here was this heap of a man that changed everything. I didn’t know how badly I wanted what Cullen could give.

“Cullen... “ I started before I had to swallow the lump in my throat. “I want to be happy.” I managed to finish before the lump returned and I had to stop again. 

I remember that we sat in silence for a while, just being with each other on the stone floor. Before I knew it, he was opening my hand, my hand with The Mark, and placing something warm inside.

“I want you to have it. My brother always told me to give it to someone that I cared for. I want you to have it, to have me, if you want.” he explained peacefully. I opened my hand to find a small charm tied onto a worn leather cord. “He said that it was just inside his pocket on the day that I left for Templar training; he said it was for luck. I put it on the cord myself so that I couldn’t lose it.” he explained. I couldn’t help but keep my silence. I was afraid that if I spoke, my voice would crack and I would not be understood.

I examined the charm closely, seeing all the intricate details. From small leaves to carved branches, I realized that it formed a face in the center of the small piece of metal; maybe the face of a goddess. A steady hand and much patience had went into its making. Someone made this to give to someone they cared for, much like he did I. I closed my hand back around it and placed it against my chest where my heart is.

“I’m scared.” I confessed.

“I know.” His steady voice calmed me. He took the necklace from me and placed it around my neck making the charm land right at my heart. “I love you.” he said calmly after a pregnant pause.

“I love you too.” I finally replied.

\----------

Days turned into months and my body got weaker and weaker. Eventually, I couldn’t even get out of bed at all. Cullen would bring me soup and make sure that I ate. At first I could lift the spoon and feed myself, but after a short time he had to do it for me. My body ached so much that at times I was left in a heap under my bear fur blanket. There were times when it hurt to even open my eyes. The Mark burned constantly no matter how much ice magic Dorian used. I admire his efforts however.

Cullen had more or less moved into my room. On nights when I couldn’t stop shaking, he would place himself behind me and hold me to let me know that I was safe, even though his own lyrium induced nightmares. 

Finally, on the day I could feel my soul fading, he sung to me.

_Oh mother, I’m scared to die,_  
_Where, where do my good deeds lie._  
_Oh father, I’m scared to live,_  
_Takes more than I’ve got to give._

I remember his voice calmed me. Scratchy, but serene, his voice filled my ears. It pained me to see just how much he was hurting.

_Oh sister, my voice is weak._  
_Oh brother, I long for sleep._  
_Oh hunger, I know you well._  
_My cruel friend is a funeral bell._

_And it rings in the day and it rings in the evening._  
_Oh, I could pray but it won’t stop you leaving_.  
_Shadow in black, you are grim from your reaping._  
_Oh, can’t you spare just a day for the weeping?_

My eyes started to feel heavy. I was so tired. Tired of hurting, tired of fighting, tired of being so tired. I just wanted to sleep. I remember trying to smile at him, just to let him know just how much I loved him.

_Oh lover, I know you’re there_  
_And I’d follow you anywhere._  
_Oh, give me a hand to hold_  
_So that I may face the cold._

I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore. I tried to see his face, just one last time, but everything was blurry and dark. I felt him place his hand on my cheek and stroke it with his thumb. I felt his peace and his love. I wanted him to know that I was happy; that I wasn’t scared anymore. Most of all, I wanted him to know how much I was going to miss him. 

As his singing continued, my eyes fell. Everything went dark and silence rang in my ears. I saw what small time we had together. Everything from the time that we met, our trip to Ferelden, the time that he helped me defeat Corypheus, up until just this morning before I finally slept. 

\----------

I want him to know that I’m still with him; watching him through the Fade. There are many times when I want to reach out and touch him. It pains me to watch him return to his chamber day after day only to crawl into bed and put his blanket over his head. I try to remember him as the man that couldn’t be moved; but seeing him as he is reminds me that he is only a human with his heart broken. Oh how I wish I could comfort him! 

I can hear him talk in his sleep; he is calling for me. I want to help him through his nightmares, but I can’t leave the Fade. I watch as he scribbles on parchment only to scratch it out and ball it up and toss it aside. I wish I knew what he was trying to write. There are many things I wish I could do and many things I wish I knew. I just want him to know that I am okay, that I love him and that nothing can change that.


End file.
